Week Six

Washington Rams St. Louis into the ground
Do our eyes deceive us, or did the Redskins actually come away with a win this week?! Washington picked up their first W in a month on the road in STL, beating the Rams 24-9. We finally scored in the fourth quarter and held onto our lead for a change. Looks like rookie QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and his fancy pants Harvard degree couldn’t outsmart with what seemed to be an ailing Redskins defense, holding him and the rest of the St. Louis offense to a season worst 210 yards. Washington’s Chris Cooley (AKA the most underrated member of the Redskin offense) clinched the win with a 4-yarder from Mark Brunell. Hardly anyone’s been paying attention to Cooley this season, and we don’t understand why. Perhaps he should pull a Clinton Portis and appear in interviews dressed as a rodeo clown…

Everything’s Coming Up Roses for the Cardinal and Gold
Fight on for ol' SC, Our men fight on to victory, Our Alma Mater dear, looks up to you Fight on and win For ol' SC , Fight on to victory, FIGHT ON!

What was hyped to be a close game between LA crosstown rivals UCLA Bruins and USC Trojans, ended up being nothing but a severe ass-whooping as USC beat up the Bruins 66-19. USC didn’t just cover the 21-point spread, they doubled it. It was such a fantabulous flogging, SC pulled their starters in the third quarter to save some of UCLA’s dignity (Classy move, Pete).

Pete Carroll and offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin had a simple but genius game plan: give the ball to tailback extraordinaire Reggie Bush (averaging 212 yards this season), and let him go to town against one of the worst run defense in college football (UCLA was giving up 220 rush yards per game). Reggie racked up 100-plus yards (and, we believe, the Heisman Trophy) in the first quarter. With the help of another season 1,000-yarder LenDale White, SC put it to the Blue and Gold, as they went over 300 yards rushing for the fifth time in the ’05 season.

In his last hurrah at the Coliseum, Matt Leinart went missing for most of the game (21-40, 0-5 at the start of the game), but still managed to throw some TDs, and make one crucial catch (Did you see that play? It was something you try out on the playground. “Hey, Matt, make a run for the trash can, Reggie will hand it off to Dwayne, who’ll fake left towards the parking lot, and then pass it you. It’ll be awesome!” The Bruins defense got SO served.) Sorry, UCLA…time to concentrate on basketball.

And speaking of ass-whooping, how ‘bout them Longhorns? Vince Young and his Texas squad barreled over the Buffalo of Colorado in the Big 12 Championship, 70-3. 70 points?! What is this, basketball?! With those convincing wins, Texas will meet USC for the national title at the Rose Bowl in January. The BCS got it right this year, pitting the definite two best (shown in their undefeated records and offensive prowess) teams in college football against each other. It’s gonna be a gooood game. For real.

In a round-up of bowl games, Notre Dame makes its return into the BCS in Fiesta Bowl against Ohio State; the two winningest coaches in college football (Penn State’s Joe Paterno and FSU’s Bobby Bowden) face each in the Orange Bowl; and the newly relocated Sugar Bowl sees Georgia taking on West Virginia. Nobody will ever really be happy with the BCS (Oregon for one), but all we really care about is the mouth-watering title game in January.

(And can I add a pet peeve? It’s at 8PM Eastern Time on a Thursday. Meaning 5PM Pacific time. Helloooo good broadcasting people, your biggest SC fanbase – Los Angeleans – are still at work at that time. Screw catering to the East Coast, what about us?)

**Once again, it’s Malk G in the place to be, as our favorite Halloween Wal-Mart Greeter writes about the Hokies and Dukies squeaker in Durham (We’re like a poet, and don’t even know it!).

God is a Duke University Alum
By Malk G, Contributing Writer
Last night, I witnessed what could have been the first major upset of this infantile college basketball season. The Virginia Tech Hokies, bottom-feeding crayfish of the ACC, battled with Duke until the bitter, stinking end. While Duke launched its patented hot shot 3-pointer barrage, the Hokies remained poised, managing to get the ball into their bigs and cause turnovers. JJ Redick, Duke’s beloved baby-faced gunner, saw his game struggle until late in the contest; Shelden Williams’ forehead grew in size, and Greg Paulus got shoved into a camera crew – all enough to make the Cameron Crazies nearly brown themselves.

The game remained a see saw battle for the latter portion of the second half. Before then, I sat on my bed waiting for the Devils to pull away as expected, so I could finally turn the channel and finish my bowl of chili. It never happened. The lumpy-headed, All-Gym first-teamers of Tech slugged it out until the closing seconds when it pulled ahead by a point. With 1.6 seconds remaining and Duke having to travel the length of the floor to even get a look at the basket, I called my friend, convinced that a great depression was about to consume all of Durham, NC. My bed was soaked in pre-mature celebration.
Then, the unthinkable happened . . .

God appeared in the stands, adorned in a long, flowing blue and white robe, which looked strangely like an old Christian Laettner jersey. Duke inbounded the ball from ‘neath Tech’s basket, it reached Sean Dockery, and God – yes, God – reached his mammoth hands under Dockery’s tiny armpits and helped him fling the ball. What followed was a nearly impossible make as time expired. A sea of blue swarmed the floor and Tech players got helplessly tossed around in the madness like that little ball thing inside of spray paint cans. I’ll admit, it was an amazing shot, but the evil side of me wanted Duke to have a giant orange and brown stain on its record heading into this weekend’s match up with #2 Texas. Foiled!

This all reminds me of my senior year of college, during which Indiana knocked off the Dukies on their way to a championship game berth. My girlfriend at the time was a senior at Duke and, boy, did everyone in my apartment that night call her and let her have it. She had every right to break up with me, because, had the tables been turned, I would have made every effort to drive my car into her living room. Next time, I guess. The season is young, there’s mono to be spread, and, certainly, there’s plenty of blue hate running through my veins.

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah!
It’s that time of year again! Season’s Greetings from the girls at Playing the Field! Everyone’s got a wishlist this December, even us! Here’s what we’re hoping to score during the holidays.

Fenella
1. SC wins its third national title
2. An Audi A4 (to replace Chingy, my currently beat-up Nissan Sentra)
3. Matt Leinart goes to the Redskins in next year’s draft (Can you imagine the crucialness of that?)
4. Witnessing the Lakers lose in a blowout to the Wizards at the Staples Center and MCI Center
5. Shoes. All kinds. And lots of ‘em
6. Andrea visits me in LA
7. That, for once, Fox & CBS on the west coast show good football games instead of the lame-ass 49ers or Raiders.
8. Redskins make the playoffs (but that’s only if they can’t get Leinart)
9. A vacation. A REAL one. Far far far away.
10. You comment on our blog. Leave a message dammit!

Andrea
1. World Peace. Because it’s a nice thing to wish for, DAMNIT!
2. Juicy Couture earrings
3. An over .500 record for the Redskins for this season
4. For Fenella to kick Kwame “Manchild” Brown in the shins
5. Juicy Couture anything, really, lol
6. Friends-The Complete Tenth Season on DVD
7. For Bill Walton and Terry Bradshaw to stop talking
8. For Marissa and Ryan of The O.C. to stay together
9. Marc Jacobs Courtney Large Hobo in Raisin (like I would EVER get this, it’s like a BAJILLION dollars! But it’s PERFECT!)
10. For you to enjoy reading our blog!